The Unbearable Lightness of Rodney

by The Grrrl

Title: The Unbearable Lightness of Rodney

Author: The Grrrl

Author's email:

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Archive: Ask first.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay

Summary: "Your first kiss was with a guy."

"You've got to be kidding me," Rodney says.

John leans against the balcony railing and gives a casual shrug as panic roils his stomach. He's not sure how it happened, how Rodney gets him to admit these things.

"Your first kiss was with a guy."

John nods. "Yes, Rodney, that's what I just said."


"Yes, Andy. Andy from the high school football team, and can we talk about something else now?" It's a futile request, and John knows it because Rodney is coming closer, head cocked to one side.

"You like kissing guys," Rodney states, brow furrowed as if was the most curious thing he's ever heard.

John does. He likes it a lot.

He checks his watch. "Rodney, isn't it time for your staff meeting?"

"Yet not only have you been married, you chose a career where same sex relationships are, shall we say, somewhat frowned upon?"

Rodney is so close that John can see little chest hairs curling out from the top of his shirt, the brown thermal shirt with the waffle weave and the damn top button is unbuttoned, exposing the delicate well of Rodney's throat with a hint of collarbone and those tempting little brown chest hairs.

John hates that.

He also hates having all the contradictions in his life laid out in front of him for examination. "Listen, Rodney," he sighs, curling a fist around the railing. "It's complicated, okay?"

Which is a stupid thing to say, because he knows very well that Rodney likes complicated. He does complicated things just for fun.

"So when was the last time you kissed a guy?" Rodney asks, sounding more fascinated than ever. "Do you miss it? Being with a guy? Doing the sort of things guys do together?"

Gripping the railing tightly, John stares out at the horizon and fervently wishes Rodney would just. Shut. Up.

"Because if you did, I wouldn't mind, I mean, if you wanted to, um, do stuff? I would. Like to. With you. If you wanted."

John snaps his head around and stares, pretty sure that he hadn't just heard what he just heard, although maybe he did hear it, because his hearing is just fine and Rodney's eyes are bright and hopeful, cheeks pink from the wind and he's undoubtedly waiting for an answer but John can't find a single word to say.

Rodney's shoulders slump as he turns away. "Okay, okay, fine, I get it, I'm not your type, not the football player with the muscles and, and, all that--you know. Macho stuff."

"Rodney," John says quietly. "It's not that simple."

"I know, I know. Complicated. Okay, this is awkward." Rodney points to the door leading back into his room. "Hey, staff meeting."

"You are," John says.

"I'm what?"

"My type," John answers.

In every way possible, with the smarts and the wide shoulders and the quick hands and bright smile and most of all the way disappointment on Rodney's face makes John's chest hurt, causing him to say things he shouldn't say.

Rodney hesitates. "Really?"

Heart beating faster, John nods. "Really."

"Oh." Rodney grins. "Okay then."

"And I want to…do stuff," John admits, because Rodney is grinning so hard that he has dimples in his cheeks and it makes John feel light and boyish and like he just kissed Andy from the football team.

When he actually does kiss Rodney, it's almost unbearably sweet and tender but then it gets kind of dirty and hot and Rodney really knows how to make good use of his hands and John discovers he can make Rodney moan by simply nosing at the collar of his shirt with the damn unbuttoned button and then Rodney drags him into the bedroom and it turns out--

It's not really complicated at all.

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