by The Grrrl

Title: Caught

Author: The Grrrl

Author's email:

Author's URL:

Archive: Ask first.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay

Summary: Body Swap! Written for the Kink and Cliché Challenge

"Well, gentlemen," Keller said. "As far as I can tell, you're both fine."

"Fine? Fine?" Rodney squawked. "In what definition of the word could this possibly be fine?"

"Rodney," Sheppard said gently.

"Don't you 'Rodney' me." Rodney glared at Sheppard. "You're doing it in my voice and it's just all wrong, so just--just don't Rodney me."

Sheppard cocked his head to one side, only it wasn't his head, it was Rodney's head, plastered with EEG electrodes and if there was anything more unsettling than seeing yourself across a room, it was looking down to see a different body than your own. To see Sheppard's hands rubbing restlessly over Sheppard's thighs and every time Rodney spoke it was in Sheppard's voice although he was pretty sure he had never heard Sheppard's voice sound quite so frantic and high-pitched but still it was Sheppard's because he was speaking with Sheppard's mouth and it was hard to breath and there wasn't enough air in the room--

"Just take a couple of deep breaths, Rodney." Keller was speaking softly, laying a gentle hand on Rodney's arm only it wasn't his, it was Sheppard's arm, Sheppard's hairy, hairy arm. "You're going to hyperventilate."

"Hey, no passing out while you're in my body," Sheppard said.

"Could you please stop being so calm about this?" Still, Rodney laid on the bed and took a deep breath--god, even breathing sounded weird, Sheppard's nose, Sheppard's lungs. He stared up at the ceiling and his vision, which had started to grow fuzzy around the edges, cleared. "That's better."

He turned to Sheppard, who was sitting on the second bed watching Keller as she reviewed the EEG results. It was freaky, definitely freaky to see himself like that, his body taking the shape of Sheppard's, relaxed and leaning back on his arms, legs swinging, a typical Sheppard pose.

"Yes, you're both perfectly healthy," Keller assured Sheppard. "As crazy as that sounds. Here, let me get those off of you."

Sheppard grinned and rubbed the back of his neck as Keller removed the leads from his forehead. A moment later he frowned and ran a careful hand over his head.

"No comments about the hair," Rodney snapped. He tapped his--Sheppard's radio. "Colonel? Radek? how long does it take to run a damn diagnostic?" He sat up again and began pulling the electrodes from his skin, using his sleeve to wipe away the paste used to connect them. "Can someone get me my laptop? Can you please release us so I can get to the Daedalus and find out what the hell went wrong?"

"Rodney, Colonel." Carter's voice came through the radio. "We've run the initial diagnostic and so far we're not seeing what caused this."

Rodney sighed. "Oh, that's just great. We're going to be stuck like this, aren't we? How am I going to explain this to my sister?"

"Calm down Rodney," Carter said. "We're just getting started."

Sheppard nodded. "I still say we should just use the transporter again and see if it switches us back."

Rodney gaped at him. "That has got to be the stupidest--yes, let's willingly get transported by a malfunctioning transporter. So maybe you'll end up with four legs and I can get all the arms."

Sheppard scrunched up his face--Rodney's face--in dismay. "Huh. It couldn't do that, could it?"

Rolling his eyes, Rodney turned to Keller and pleaded, "Can you just release us so I can get up to the Daedalus and help out?"

"No," Carter said over the radio before Keller could speak. "I don't want to take any chances. We have no idea what effect this could have on your brains. Rodney, you can help out from there."

"You heard the lady." Keller gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Could be worse," Sheppard told him. "We could be sharing one body."

"Please, don't remind me," Rodney said.

"Anyway, you admitted yourself that Carter knows way more about Asgard technology than you do."

"When did I say that? I didn't say that," Rodney protested. "Maybe I said she was more familiar with the technology, which does not translate into knowing 'way more'."

"Sure it does." Sheppard nodded decisively, once more swinging his legs.

"You're very annoying, you know that?" Rodney turned to Keller. "Do I sound that annoying when I'm me?"

Keller regarded him with a kind gaze. "You're looking a little pale, Rodney. Maybe you'd better lay down again."

"Oh." Worried, Rodney laid down again, rubbing his eyes. "Should I put the--" He twirled a finger, indicated his forehead. "The leads?"

"No, I think we're good with the data what we have," Keller replied. "I'm going to go and do some further analysis. I'll get someone to bring your laptop."

"What do you mean, further analysis? I thought we were okay?" Rodney asked as Keller left the room. "Sheppard, didn't she just say we were okay?"

"Rodney," Sheppard sighed.

Rodney stabbed a finger in the air. "No. Not while you're using my voice."

"I'm using your everything." Sheppard stared down at his hands, balling them into fists, then releasing them, spreading his fingers wide.

"Be careful with it. Please." Rodney lay back and closed his eyes, suddenly exhausted as the adrenaline run out. "Oh god. This sucks," he said.

He scratched his chin and wow, Sheppard had some serious stubble going on, it could abrade his skin, only Sheppard's fingers were calloused, especially right there, where the P90 always rubbed. He opened his eyes and blinked at his hand. More narrow than his own, with long thin fingers, black hair scattered across the back, and no, it was not sexy, not at all, he wasn't thinking that even though he had thought about these hands in ways that maybe he shouldn't have, and now those hands were his, along with the rest of Sheppard's body--

Rodney shook his head. He was not going there. Not at all. "Sheppard," he said, turning his head.

Sheppard jerked his head up. His hand was on his belly, beneath his shirt, touching his own skin. Rodney's skin. "Yeah?" His cheeks were tinged pink.

"Yes, that's my stomach," Rodney said. "My physique clearly differs from the one you are used to but you don't have to rub it in."

"No, Rodney, I wasn't implying--" Sheppard said, quickly removing his hand. "I was just--it feels--" Sheppard frowned, brows drawing together and the bemused expression was completely wrong on Rodney's own face. It was so obviously Sheppard's expression. "This is weird," Sheppard finally finished.

"No kidding. You're making your faces with my face. It looks..."

"Weird?" Sheppard repeated. "You know, I've never heard myself talk so fast."

"I'm sure you haven't." Rodney blinked up at the ceiling, then cautiously rested a hand on his belly. Not quite as flat as he had expected, but still very nice. "I'll try not to wear out your tongue."

"Thank you."

Rodney stole another glance at Sheppard to find him staring down at his lap, seemingly fascinated by his new thighs. "I'm sure they're going to fix this soon," Rodney said, but even in Sheppard's voice it didn't sound convincing.

Still, Sheppard glanced up and smiled. "Of course they are."

Vogel appeared in the doorway, laptop in hand. "McKay?" he said questioningly, looking from Sheppard to Rodney and back to Sheppard again.

Rodney sat up, wearily raising his hand. "Yes, yes, over here."


Another scan, more EEG readings. In between Rodney worked with Radek and Carter, and in a few hours he felt the stirrings of hope. They were making significant progress and when Keller finally agreed to release them, he was disappointed to learn that Carter had decreed that it was to their quarters only. Not to the Daedalus, where Rodney could at least supervise the work going on.

"Come on," Rodney pleaded into the radio as they left the infirmary. "I know you're on the right track, I can see it from here, there was damage to that subsystem when they were hit last week--but if I were there I could--"

"No, Rodney," Carter said. "We've got it under control. I want you and the Colonel both to stay close to the infirmary in case of emergency."

Rodney shot a pleading look to Sheppard, but Sheppard was busy rubbing the back of his neck again, only it was more like stroking this time, fingertips brushing over the bare skin just below his hairline.

"What," Rodney said, worried. "Do you have a headache or something?"

"No." Sheppard pulled his hand down, looking inexplicably guilty. "Come on, let's eat the sandwiches in my room. I'm starving."

"Oh. It's been a while since lunch, hasn't it?" Rodney was surprised he hadn't realized it sooner.

Sheppard nodded.

It was odd to see himself from the side, Rodney decided. He had no idea his nose was so pointy. And his chin. Plus his hair--was it always that fluffy? Or was Sheppard working some sort of Sheppard magic on it?

"I have to go," Carter said. "Radek is finished inputting the parameters you sent. Give us about an hour to calibrate, okay?"

"But--" Rodney protested.

"We can handle this, Rodney."

"I know, I know--"

"Thank you, Colonel," Sheppard cut in. "We'll be waiting to hear back from you. Sheppard out." He shut his radio off, and stared expectantly at Rodney.

Rodney scowled as fiercely as he could, but after a moment disconnected his, too. "Fine. If we are stuck in each other's body's forever, it will be all your fault."

"They have the situation under control. And the less time you spend badgering them, the sooner it will be fixed."

"Badgering? Badgering? Oh, that was not badgering--"

Sheppard held up the bag in his hand. "Sandwiches?"

"Oh." Rodney brought himself up short. "Right."

They reached Sheppard's room and settled in to eat, Sheppard on his bed, Rodney on the small couch. Rodney had to hitch up his pants before he sat, Sheppard's narrow hips barely held them up. Unlike his own hips, which had no problem whatsoever holding up his pants. He sighed. Life just wasn't fair sometimes.

"Hey, maybe I can go on leave," Rodney mused, catching a reflection of himself in a window. He lifted his chin, admiring the line of Sheppard's jaw. As he had so often done before. "Visit a bar, just to have the women drool over me."

"Rodney," Sheppard said sharply.

"What? I've never been this hot before. Seriously, I'd love to know what's it like to have women falling all over me."

"It's not like that--"

"Oh, oh, I've seen it, it is like that," Rodney insisted, taking another bite of his sandwich. "You have that smoldering hot heroic thing going on."

Sheppard raised a single, questioning eyebrow.

"And you're lanky. I love lanky," Rodney added wistfully. "It's one of my favorite things." When Sheppard continued staring, his cheeks stained a bright pink, Rodney realized that he had said a little too much.

Or maybe a lot too much.

"I mean--they love it," he added quickly, mortified. "The women. They are thinking that--that you are hot and I, as a man myself, can objectively appreciate that you are handsome, that's all I'm saying, that I find you handsome in a objective, clinical kind of way, not that--well--"

Sheppard was still staring with Rodney's eyes and Rodney had no idea his eyes could get that big. Seriously. They were huge. And round. And his eyebrows were creeping way up onto his forehead, higher than he thought physically possible.

"Maybe--maybe I should check in with Carter," Rodney stuttered, his own cheeks growing warm as he reached for his radio.

"You think I'm hot," Sheppard blurted.

Rodney stopped before clicking it on. "Yes?" he offered. "In the kind of way that a man appreciates another man. Of course."

Sheppard's brows rose even higher. "Oh."

"Wait, wait," Rodney held up a hand in dismay. "That didn't sound right. I meant to say, I admire the way you look, not that it's only about looks, I mean, I don't want it to sound like--oh I mean, it does probably sound like, but it came out wrong and," Rodney took a breath. "I'm just going to stop now, okay?"

After a moment, Sheppard nodded. "Okay."

Funny thing was, Rodney could have sworn Sheppard looked disappointed.

"Forget I said any of that," Rodney continued. "Please?"

A quick grin and then Sheppard nodded again, head bobbing up and down. "So," he finally said. "Tell me what went wrong with the transporter." He glanced up through his--Rodney's--eyelashes. "I never did trust those Asgard. They don't wear any pants."

"I told you, they don't wear pants because they don't have any parts to cover."

"I don't even want to think about that."

Rodney sighed, then launched into an explanation of the damaged circuit in the Daedalus' transporter system.


After Sheppard left, Rodney couldn't ignore it any longer--he had to pee.

With Sheppard's penis.

There was no getting around it.

Squaring his shoulders, Rodney marched into the bathroom, stood in front of the toilet and unfastened Sheppard's pants. He had to catch them to keep them from falling straight onto the floor. Then he took a breath, steadying himself before reaching into his boxers and--


Sheppard's penis. In his hand.

Refusing to look down, Rodney whispered, "Transporter. Diagnostics." He stared straight ahead as he emptied his bladder, resolute as he ran through the subsystems in his mind because he was certainly not going to dwell on the fact that he had John Sheppard's penis in his hand--in John Sheppard's hand, that is.

After what felt like an eternity, he finished, pulled his pants back up and fastened them, proud to have resisted temptation. He could do this. He was Rodney McKay, after all. There was nothing he couldn't do.

Only then he went to wash his hands and there was Sheppard, staring back at him. A shock of messy dark hair, long, slightly crooked nose, wide mouth and those eyes, dark brown eyes with the crinkly lines at the corners when he smiled. Rodney stepped closer to the mirror, peering carefully. Sheppard's eyes were actually brown and green with a touch of gold.


He couldn't resist touching a finger to his lips, even though it seemed rude to do so. They were Sheppard's lips, not his and he was invading Sheppard's privacy but his lips were soft and cushiony, especially the lower lip, with the fascinating little divot in the center. He frowned and watched as his lips flattened into a single straight line.

Sheppard's wide mouth had always fascinated him. He could tell exactly what Sheppard was thinking by the shape of his mouth, whether it curved up into an impossibly broad grin, or into a one-sided smirk, or when his lips parted and he looked as if he truly needed to be kissed.

Rodney turned away but oh, there was the full-length mirror.

Jeeze, Sheppard was long. Definitely lanky.

And when Rodney raised his arms, Sheppard's shirt rode up, exposing a narrow strip of skin. Rodney dropped his arms to his side, then after a moment, grabbed the shirt and lifted it up, exposing Sheppard's belly and chest, with small brown nipples and all that hair. Rodney imagined pressing his face into that firm hairy chest, licking Sheppard's skin, nuzzling Sheppard's nipples. He wondered whether Sheppard would like that. He touched one, first pressing his fingers against the bump of flesh and then rubbing as he discovered that oh yes, they were sensitive.

He rubbed one, then lightly pinched the other, gasping a little as his cock grew hard. He dropped his hand, running it down his chest and over his stomach. "This is so wrong," he murmured weakly.

He looked away, his cheeks growing hot.

Then looked back. And frantically unfastened Sheppard's pants so he could reach in and grab hold of Sheppard's cock, god, it was gorgeous, long and hard, fitting perfectly into the palm of his hand. He should be jerking off Sheppard all the time, he really should, he could make Sheppard feel good, as good as he was feeling right now, watching the smooth head of Sheppard's cock disappearing into his fist, again and again, full, heavy balls dangling down, and he discovered that those were sensitive too. He was sure Sheppard would like him to suck on them and to suck on his cock, to touch him, and Rodney would do it for him, would get down on his knees and make Sheppard moan and beg and he would feel so damn good--

With a small cry Rodney came, come spurting out from between his fingers, hitting the mirror in long wet streaks. Head hanging down, he whimpered as the pleasure trembled through him, through Sheppard's body and then he slumped against the mirror, trying to steady himself on shaky legs.

"Okay, okay. Probably shouldn't have done that. " He looked into the mirror, and Sheppard's face was close, looking back at him with dazed eyes. "Sorry. But you're so--what was I supposed to do?"

He pushed away from the mirror and reached for a towel. He discovered that Sheppard was ultra-sensitive afterward, muscles twitchy and tingling. "Whoa," he panted, holding the towel to his groin for a moment before pulling his boxers up.

A voice came over his earpiece, startling him. "Colonel Sheppard, Rodney."

Rodney dropped the towel, then frantically clicked on the radio. "Yes?" he said in a way-too-frantic voice.

"We're all done here. The transporter is ready to go."


"Ready?" Carter asked.

"No," Rodney said. "Why don't you and Radek beam down here first?"

Sheppard nudged him with an elbow. "Rodney, come on."

"Wouldn't it make sense for them to do a test run first?" Rodney asked in a loud whisper. He turned to Sheppard, then remembered what he had been doing with Sheppard's body ten minutes earlier and looked away. "Just to be sure it will fix us?"

"Didn't you say it's set to switch us back?" Sheppard asked. "They can't do a test run. Or else they'll get switched." He clicked on his radio. "Colonel, we're all set here. On your mark."

Rodney held his breath as the room began to fade out, then disappeared in a burst of white sparks. When he opened them again, he was standing on the bridge of the Daedalus. And next him--Sheppard.

In Sheppard's body.

Sheppard spun around to face him, then grinned madly. He patted Rodney's shoulder, and Rodney grabbed his arm, dizzy with relief.

"Thank god," Rodney said.

"You okay?" Sheppard asked.

Rodney nodded rapidly. "I'm good."

"Me, too."

"Colonel? Dr. McKay?"

Rodney turned to see Caldwell, Carter, Radek, all of them were there, staring at them. "We're good," he said, smiling broadly.


Another long spell in the infirmary and Rodney never ever wanted to see the inside of those rooms again. Not the mention the fact that he was shut in a very small space with Sheppard, whose body he had fondled, who he had jerked off although it was his body at the time, wasn't it?

There was also the slight possibility that Sheppard had caught on to the fact that Rodney found him utterly, ridiculous hot, but he was fairly certain he had recovered from that blunder. Still, it made for a very small examining room, one that seemed to be filled with the presence of one John Sheppard, slouchy and impossibly comfortable on the gurney next to his, full of grins and wise-ass remarks and twice found it necessary to reach over and poke Rodney's arm, as if he didn't already command Rodney's full attention.

When their EEGs were declared fine, Rodney scrambled off the bed and out of the infirmary, intent on leaving Sheppard in the dust. But Sheppard, with his long, loping strides kept pace easily, down the corridor, through the hallway and following on Rodney's heels as Rodney ducked into his room in a futile attempt at escape.

"Wouldn't that be great, though? Switch the crystals around," Sheppard continued. "And then find an excuse to beam Ronon and Dr. Keller up to the Daedalus."

Rodney sat on his bed, shaking his head in disbelief. "I don't believe you. That would be--" he scratched at his increasingly itchy ankle. "That would actually be pretty funny, wouldn't it?" He forgot his discomfort as he tried to imagine Ronon stuck inside into Keller's petite body.

"Until he figured out what we did," Sheppard pointed out.

"We'd never be able to switch him back. For our own safety," Rodney agreed. He scratched his ankle again, then pulled his shoe and sock off to expose red, blotchy skin. "I don't believe this. What did you do with my body? Look at that. Hives. "

Sheppard leaned over and touched a finger to the reddened area. " Wow."

Rodney picked up the discarded sock. "These aren't mine. Did you put on your own socks?"

Sheppard's expression turned sheepish. "Yeah. I did."

"Allergic," Rodney stated flatly. "I have to use unscented laundry detergent, I've told you that, haven't I?"

"You might have mentioned it."

"Argh." Rodney scratched at his ankle. Then frowned. "Why the hell did you change your socks, anyway?"

"What? A guy can't change his socks?"

"I leave you alone with my body for less than an hour and look what you did to it." Rodney scratched again.

"Stop that," Sheppard said. "It's just going to make it worse."

Rodney stopped. "What in the world possessed you to do that? 'Oh hey, I need to put on a different pair of socks?' I mean, I know you're weird, but that's really an odd thing to do, even for you."

Sheppard went quiet, hands shoved into his pockets. "No reason," he finally said.

"Was there something wrong with my socks?" Rodney asked. "I didn't think there were any holes in them. I'm very careful about that kind of thing. You can get a blister like that. I don't have any blisters, do I?" He examined the bottom of his foot, then stuck it out toward Sheppard. "Do you see a blister there?"

Sheppard stared down at Rodney's foot. "I took a shower, okay?"


"I took a shower," Sheppard repeated slowly.

"Oh." Rodney put his foot back down on the floor. "Why? Did I stink?"

Sheppard shook his head.

"So why did you shower?"

"Because I felt like."

Perplexed, Rodney scratched his ankle.

"You know, maybe I think you're hot, too." Sheppard crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Rodney.

"What?" Rodney gaped. "You mean--oh my god, you wanted to get your hands on me."

"Maybe." Sheppard stared down at the floor, then raised his eyes to meet Rodney's again. "Sort of."

"You want me."

"Your skin is really soft," Sheppard insisted, indignant now.

"I had no idea. All this time I was--while you were--oh." Rodney couldn't stop smiling. "So, did you jerk me off?"

Sheppard looked aghast. "Rodney!"

"You did, didn't you?"

"Did you?"

"Yes," Rodney said proudly. "Come on, admit it, you did too. You had your hand totally in that cookie jar."

Sheppard rolled his shoulders in a careless shrug, but Rodney could see the grin hiding at the corners of his mouth.

"Hah. You did." Rodney stood, heedless of his one bare foot.

"Yeah, I did."

"Want to do it again?"

Sheppard nodded.

"So do I," Rodney said.

"We could do other things, too," Sheppard told him. He wagged his brows in the worst leer Rodney had ever seen and yet it was completely hot.

Rodney wasn't going to question how Sheppard managed it. Instead, he moved closer. "I like other things. Especially kissing. Because I really really--"

And then Sheppard's lips were on his, touching lightly at first, then with more pressure. Soft, inquisitive lips, first kissing the corner of his mouth, then his upper lip before moving down to press against his chin, then back up to his lips and Rodney had grab hold of Sheppard's damn head and hold him steady so he could get down to some serious kissing.

Sheppard chuckled low in his throat and wrapped his arms around Rodney and held him for a long, long time. "Tell me again how much you like 'lanky'," he murmured in Rodney's ear.

Rodney sat on the bed, pulling Sheppard down with him. "How about I show you, instead?"

Sheppard brightened. "Even better."

"And then you can make up for giving me hives."

"Oh," John said, pushing Rodney down flat on his back. "Believe me, I will."

And Rodney didn't give another thought about his itchy skin for a long, long time.

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