The Curtain fic

by The Grrrl & chelle

Title: The Curtain Fic

Authors: chelle and the grrrl

Author's email:,

Author's URL:

Archive: Ask first.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay

Summary: John and Rodney go shopping.

Notes: I had noticed something about John's room in "Tao of Rodney". Chelle and I got silly, and this fic was the inevitable result. No spoilers for the ep are contained within.

"You realize real men don't care about linens, right?" Rodney asks as they weave their way though the kitchen appliances and into home decor.

John comes to a halt in front of the window treatments. "I can kill you with my pinky," he says over his shoulder.

"No, you can't." Rodney thinks it over. "Can you? Because that would be freaky and I'd probably have to stop sleeping with you."

"Rodney," John hissed, looking around. "Public."

"Oh, like anyone is going to believe you're some big, tough military hero when you're fondling lace curtains."

John lets go of the curtain in his hand and strokes the next one on the display rack. "I was not fondling."

"Please. You even had your fondling look."

John frowns. "I do not have a fondling look."

"And how would you know?"

"It's my look. Or not-look." He moves on to the next set of display curtains, but dismisses them immediately with a wave of his hand.

"So you look at your own face while fondling things?" Rodney accentuates the last word in a way he hopes is suggestive, because he finds the idea rather intriguing.

"Yes, Rodney, every time I fondle things I look for a mirror in which to admire myself."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Listen, we're just here for the damn curtains, okay?"

"Okay, okay, how about these, then?" Rodney grabs a handful of sheer material with a lacy gold pattern. "Those other ones are too dark, these will let the light in and this shiny stuff running through it will brighten up the room."

John stares at him.


"Nothing. Actually, you are right." John drapes the fabric over his hand and admires it. "I like these a lot, with the shiny stuff and all."

Rodney nods proudly.

That settled, they go through the packages and find two sets in the full-length size.

John nudges Rodney with his shoulder. "Want to check out the bedspreads?"


"Yeah, those things you put on top of your bed." John starts to walk toward the bedspreads, curtain packages in hand.

Rodney trails after him. "It has to be soft, you know. I have extremely sensitive skin."

"I know, Rodney." John starts to smile. "Believe me, I know."

Rodney looks around the store nervously. "I thought we were trying to be discreet," he complains. "You can't go around flashing the dirty smile and expect to be discreet."

"I do not have a dirty smile." John is still smiling. Dirtily.

"Again, I ask how would you know?"

"It's my smile."

"Which I am looking at."

"Do you like it?"

Rodney rolls his eyes.

"You like it." Still smiling, John's face lights up even more. They've reached the bed linens. He points to the display bed. "Hey, look at this with the velvet and the brocade. Cool, don't you think?"

Rodney blinks at the colorful sight before him. "It's--it's fine."

"The gold in the pattern matches the curtains, see?" John holds package next to bed.

"Um?" Rodney had thought he'd never see the day where he'd be at a loss for words.

That was before he had met John.

"And look," John continues. "It comes with matching pillow shams and a dust ruffle. Do you think I can fit the dust ruffle over the bed platform?"

"You know what?" Rodney asks, backing away slowly. "I'll be over by the coffee mugs."

John grabs his arm. "No, no, no, you should test it out, lay on the bed and make sure it doesn't bother your skin. Being sensitive and all."

"No way. I am not lying on that bed," Rodney protests. "It's--it's not even a real bed, and I don't think they intend for people to lay on it."

"Well here--" John lifts a corner of the bedspread and attempts to rub it on Rodney's arm.

Rodney pulls his arm away. "You do realize that if you put something like that on your bed everyone who visits your quarters will know you're gay."

John appears genuinely affronted. "Don't be ridiculous. Wanting my quarters to look good doesn't make me gay."

"You are gay and you just used the word 'brocade'," Rodney points out. "Not to mention dust ruffle." He isn't even sure what a dust ruffle is.

And he does not like the sound of 'pillow sham'.

"McKay." John's hands go to his hips and he glares, elbows akimbo, at Rodney. "There is nothing gay about a dust ruffle."

"Do you have any clue as to the of the meaning of 'discreet'?"

John shrugs. "All right, all right, so it's no go on the dust ruffle. Probably wouldn't fit, anyway."

"John," Rodney lays a pleading hand on John's arm. "Why don't we buy the curtains, and just leave the bedspread for another time, okay?"

"I only wanted my room to look nice." John sighs, petting the velvet bedspread and casting a sulky look at Rodney from beneath his lashes.

Rodney closes his eyes briefly and takes a steadying breath. Then he leans in and whispers, "John, with you in there? Your room always looks pretty nice."

"Really?" John's a touch less sulky now.

"Yes, really."


"Please, stop with the smiling."

John doesn't stop smiling, as a matter of fact; his smile grows even bigger. "I hear they have 900 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets on sale," he says in a tone that makes Rodney blush.

"900 thread count, really?" Lifting his head, Rodney looks around and tries to locate sheet section.

"This way," John says, touching his arm briefly before leading the way.

Rodney's happy to follow because Egyptian cotton, you don't have to be gay to appreciate Egyptian cotton, bi will do. Rodney thinks even straight people appreciate Egyptian cotton.

There's a big display, definitely a sale. This time when John rubs a sample on his arm, Rodney doesn't pull away.

Stargate Atlantis (including all characters and images) is the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement is intended or should be inferred. This is a nonprofit fan site.

The Grrrl's site is maintained by The Grrrl