More Than a Little

by The Grrrl

Title: More Than a Little

Author: The Grrrl

Author's email: thegrrrl2002@gmail.com

Author's URL: http://thegrrrl2002.slashcity.org

Archive: Ask first.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay

Summary: John decides that maybe the relationship can work.

Author's notes: This PWP is sort of an AU outtake from "A Little Bit Crazy". It was a scene that didn't work in the orginal fic, but I wanted to write it up anyway. The storyline is bit different--they're back on Earth after the events of Siege III, and John has decided that their relationship has to end.

"It was amazing, totally amazing," John said, following Rodney to the sink. "So nimble--it responds to the lightest touch, and you turn so fast it overwhelms the inertial dampeners and you can feel the force of it, right down in the pit of your stomach."

"Sounds...nauseating."

John shook his head. "No, no, no. It was just--" He waved his hands, unable to put it into words, the soaring, the freedom, feeling you could fly forever with the earth far below. "Really, really cool."

Rodney's mouth twitched, and John knew he was trying not to smile. "Cool, huh? How very eloquent," Rodney said, putting the cups in the sink and filling them with water.

Shrugging, John didn't know what else to say. He was happy to see Rodney looking amused, rather than dark and angry, because that was all they had been before he had gone off for training on the Daedalus' F302. He stepped closer. "Rodney," he started.

Rodney turned away from him and picked up the dish detergent. "You still have to get your things together, we're shipping out first thing tomorrow, remember?"

"Rodney," John said again, more gently this time.

"What?"

"We're okay, right?" John realized it was a stupid thing to ask. He had screwed things up between them and coming back pretending nothing had changed couldn't make it right again and he didn't know what else to do.

Rodney put the soap down with a thud and turned to him, face flushed, jaw muscles clenched. "No, we're not okay. At least I'm not. Maybe you are, because apparently, you can turn it on and off like a switch. But me? No. Not. Okay."

"Rodney, please--" Rodney had to understand, it wasn't like that at all. John felt like a selfish bastard for sleeping with Rodney in the first place, when he knew they couldn't continue with it. Calling it off was the right thing to do, even though he didn't want to, even though it hurt like hell to do so. And now with Rodney looking at him like that, hurt and angry, John wondered about his own judgment and, fuck, maybe he didn't know right from wrong at all. "Rodney, that's not fair at all, and you know it."

"You know what's not fair?" Rodney asked. "This." He leaned in, and John knew he should back off but he didn't, he held still and let Rodney's mouth press against his in a rough kiss. Before Rodney could pull back John grabbed the back of Rodney's neck and held him in place, letting Rodney's hot, wet mouth take over his.

With a frustrated noise Rodney pulled away, glaring, and John could feel the white-hot anger coming off in waves. Suddenly John wanted it, wanted the anger and heat because damn it, he deserved it, because he was stupid enough to put them both in this position in the first place. He wanted Rodney to take it all out on him, wanted to glory in the sheer force of Rodney pointing out just what bastard he was.

He waited, panting and open-mouthed, while Rodney stared at him. Then licked his lips and asked, "Come on Rodney, is that the best you can do?"

Rodney's jaw dropped. "You are unbelievable, you know that?" He shook his head and raised a hand, pointing his finger at John. "No, no, no, you said it's over. I am not--I am so not--" He stopped, contemplating John bitterly, mouth pulled down into a grim, flat line. "Oh hell, who am I kidding?"

Lunging forward, he grabbed John by the shoulders and kissed him again. John clung to his shoulders, letting Rodney's broad body push him up against the cabinets, drawer handle digging painfully into his ass. Rodney's thigh slid between his and his hands went to Rodney's ass, his gorgeous, hot ass and pulled him in. Rodney's erection pressed into his hip yet John could feel coiled anger in him, in the iron grip of his arms and the roughness of his mouth.

"Tell me, how can you let this go?" Rodney demanded. "How can you give this up?"

Whimpering, John ground his hips against Rodney's, burying his face in Rodney's neck.

"You can't, can you?" Rodney took John's face in his hands, lifting his head and forcing John to meet his eyes.

"Rodney," John pleaded. He had no answers. Rodney was supposed to be the one with all the answers. But those insistent eyes were too much to bear so he turned his head, pressing his lips against the palm of Rodney's hand. With Rodney, nothing made sense, except the feel of his body and the taste of his skin.

"Jesus, John." Anger gone, and resignation in his voice, Rodney stepped back, hands falling away. John panicked, because no, Rodney couldn't leave now, they couldn't stop now but thank god, Rodney wasn't going anywhere, he was just making enough room to reach down and unfasten John's pants.

As soon as Rodney got him unzipped John pushed his pants and boxers down past his hips, exposing himself. Cool air on his hot dick and then Rodney's hand closed around him. Shaking, he reached for Rodney's pants, and after a brief struggle got them open and god yes, there was Rodney's cock, thick and red, like velvet in his hands.

Rodney shoved John's hand away and pushed against him with is entire body, pinning John against the counter. Feeling wild and reckless, John grabbed Rodney's tee-shirt, the worn, thin cotton rending in his fists, and bit Rodney's shoulder, desperately rubbing his cock into the crease of Rodney's thigh. Blood roaring in his ears, heart pounding against his chest--it was a better rush than being in an F302, it was better than anything he had ever experienced before and how could he have been so stupid to think he could give this up?

"What the hell are we doing?" Rodney asked in a low voice.

"You tell me," John whispered, goading him. "You started it."

"What? Oh no, no I did not."

John shut him up with a kiss. Rodney made an angry noise, then pulled John back from the counter and slid a hand down over John's ass, fingers pressed against his opening.

A shock of excitement raced through John's body. "Do it, Rodney," John demanded. "Fuck me."

"No."

"Fuck that." John pushed Rodney's arms away and turned around, impatiently pulling his feet out of his pants legs. He shoved his ass against Rodney's groin. A bottle of cooking oil sat on the counter and John took it, opening it up and pouring some on his hand. Reaching back, he slid a finger inside himself and, damn it, Rodney better fuck him, he needed it, he deserved it. He was going to give it all to Rodney.

"Oh god, what are you, you are insane, aren't you?" Rodney spoke in a rush. "I'm not doing this--no, because there is no us, because it's over between us, remember?"

"I've reconsidered, okay? We're not over with, we're going to fuck every single damn night when we get back to Atlantis, you were right and I'm a big stupid jerk." It was so much easier to say when staring at the wall, yet it still scared the hell out of him.

Behind him there was silence. Then a quiet, "really?"

John hung his head, odd, slightly hysterical laugher bubbling up and his own finger was still up his ass. "Yes, really."

Rodney edged around to one side of John, eyeing him cautiously. "Um, okay."

"Okay?" John panted. "We're in agreement here?"

Rodney nodded rapidly, eyes bright. "So, are you always this much trouble?"

"Yes, and you'd better get used it."

"I can do that." Rodney nuzzled into John's neck. "I'm good with trouble."

Thank god. "You going to fuck me or what?" John asked, bumping his forehead against Rodney's.

"You know? I think I will."

John slid the bottle over with a grin and Rodney slicked his fingers up. Reaching around, he covered John's hand with his, then pressing in, slipped one finger inside alongside John's, creating all kinds of interesting sensations. "How's that feel?"

"Oh," John sighed blissfully. "Good. Very, very good."

Rodney made a humming, "of course it does" noise and pushed in deeper.

Moaning, John leaned in and pressed against Rodney's cheek. It felt incredible, being surrounded by Rodney's body, the stroking deep inside, their fingers crushed together. He spread his legs. Rodney's unfastened jeans had stayed up around his hips, and John liked the soft denim against his naked skin. He wondered how it could feel so right, being in Rodney's kitchen, half-naked, fingers in his ass. But somehow, it was perfect. "Don't ever let me be so stupid again, okay?"

"Like I've ever hesitated to point it out?"

John laughed, and Rodney wrapped an arm around shoulder, hugging him awkwardly. His cock poked eagerly against John's stomach. "Come on, I'm ready," John said. "Do it."

"Are you sure?" Rodney asked, "You still feel tight. You don't have to prove anything by--"

"Rodney," John warned. "I'm sure, and I'm ready." He slid his finger out, and clenched his fist, easing the stiffness in his hand. Rodney slid his own finger out, and John felt strangely empty as Rodney moved into position behind him

But only for a moment. Then the slick, blunt head of Rodney's cock pushed against him, trying to work itself in and it felt huge.

"Sh, sh, just relax," Rodney said. He slid a hand up under John's shirt, rubbing slow circles on his back. "Oh god, wait--have you ever done this before?"

John let out a pent-up breath. "No. I never wanted to. Until---until now."

"Okay. Okay. Here," Rodney tugged on his hip. "Just push yourself back onto me. Take your time."

Eyes closed, John leaned back, but nothing happened, it wasn't going in. He took a deep breath and relaxed his muscles as best he could and then oh yes, it was working. The head slipped in, past the tight muscles, and he heard a little gasp behind him. Taking a moment, John let his body get used to it before easing further back, and he was able to take Rodney's slippery cock in until his ass was snug against Rodney's hips. "Oh, there," he said, surprised that it didn't hurt.

Arms wrapped around John's waist, Rodney held him and asked, "Are you good?"

John could feel Rodney's body tremble. "I'm good. Feels kind of strange, though."

"It'll get better, I promise." Rodney's oily hand pressed down over John's half-hard cock. "At least I hope so. Probably would be better if we weren't standing in my kitchen and--"

"Rodney," John said, cutting off the nervous babbling. He leaned back against Rodney's chest, chuckling. He put his hand over Rodney's. "Relax. It's good. I'm right where I want to be."

"Oh." With surprising tenderness, Rodney pressed a kiss to his neck.

It was better than good, being stretched and filled and touched by Rodney. John had thought it would feel like giving something up to do this, but instead he felt like Rodney was giving something to him, and that didn't make any sense at all. As Rodney stroked his cock it became even more intense, pressure in all kinds of good places and John didn't know he could feel it that deep inside. His hips moved of their own accord, rolling up and pushing his cock against Rodney's hand. When he felt the resulting movement inside of him he groaned-- amazing, how fucking good it felt. Then things got even better when Rodney rocked his hips. "Oh--oh, nice."

Rodney licked his ear. "Better, huh?"

"Yeah," John barely managed, overwhelmed. "And you?"

"I'm good," Rodney said breathlessly. "Real good. So good I just might lose it at anytime."

"No kidding?" John clenched his muscles.

Rodney cried out. "Damn it, don't do that."

John's laughter was cut off by a yelp as Rodney squeezed his cock, and then they were off and moving. John bent over and grabbed the edge of the counter as Rodney thrust into him, still moving carefully with small, short strokes. Shoving back in a counter rhythm, John forced Rodney's cock in deeper and whoa, that was spectacular, especially with Rodney's hand firmly around his cock, making a tight fist for John to push into. "Okay, this is really--I can see the appeal--oh god--"

It felt good everywhere, inside and out, and John stopped trying to talk, he stopped trying to do anything except revel in the warmth and pleasure Rodney gave to him. Rodney was fucking him and he loved it, loved every stroke and push of Rodney's cock, the way Rodney's balls brushed against ass, the way Rodney's chest pressed against his back. He had no idea it would be like this at all. When all the sensations swirled together into one John cried out desperately, he didn't want to come, he didn't want it to end but then his balls tightened and gut tingled and fuck, he was coming. Pleasure shook his body, keen and sharp, his ass felt weird, like trying to squeeze Rodney out and it was like nothing he had ever felt before and he might not ever stop shaking. He could hear Rodney moaning, loud and desperate, pushing back in with short, jerky movements. His cock pulsed and John realized Rodney was coming, too.

When it was all over Rodney took a deep, shivery breath and slumped against him, hand still cupped over John's dripping cock. Legs weak and body spent, John was more than happy to hold him up. Rodney's cock softened and slowly eased out, a feeling that made John's muscles twitch again, forcing him out completely.

"Hey," Rodney complained.

"Sorry." John reached behind to cup Rodney's neck. Turning his head, he kissed Rodney's cheek. "I didn't do it on purpose."

"Hmm." Rodney mouthed his chin, then turned him around until they were nose to nose. "I, uh," He blinked. "Whoa, dizzy."

Impressed with himself, John patted Rodney's shoulders and led him to a kitchen chair. Rodney hitched up his pants and sat heavily, eyes heavy-lidded and sleepy. John straddled the chair, facing him, and settled in on his lap, hoping the chair would hold them both. "Better?" John asked.

"Better." Rodney nodded. He glanced up at John warily. "So, how was that?"

John touched his cheek. "Rodney," he said solemnly. "You made me feel...". He paused for effect.

"Like?" Rodney prompted with a frown.

"Like a natural woman."

Rodney's eyes widened, then he burst out laughing. "Oh, god, you're ridiculous, you know that?" He shook his head. "Completely, utterly--"

"Yours?" John asked.

Rodney stared up at him, laughter stopping abruptly. "Oh god yes. That too. Mine." He pulled John down into slow, sweet kiss.

And then John knew he finally had gotten it right.

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