How It's Done

by The Grrrl

Title: How It's Done

Author: The Grrrl

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Archive: Ask first.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay, Mensa AU John/Rod

Summary: "But that was you," the other John said. "You're--" He waved his hands. "All cool and everything."

Notes: Contains spoilers for "McKay and Mrs. Miller".

John's counterpart wasn't all that bad, Rodney thought. Sure, he was arrogant and a bit of an ass, but he was smart. Very smart. Smarter than most of the people around him. Rodney knew all too well how got tiresome that could get after a while.

But this universe was weird and he was ready to go back to his own. And thanks to Rod and his John, they were scheduled to do, in a few hours time.

"No, here, don't push it flat, see, that's where you're getting into trouble," John was saying to his alternate self. He ran his hand over John's head, ruffling his hair. "Just push it up from the back."

John peered into the mirror, eyeing his newly stuck-up tufts of hair, then looked back at John's. "Okay, I see what you're saying. Still, it not like yours," he said in a petulant tone.

"It's too long," John agreed, nodding. "Cut it shorter, and it will stick right up."

"How short?"

"I don't know--short. You'll need to lose an about an inch." John shrugged, peering at the other John's head. "Maybe more."

"Which is it then? An inch, or more than an inch?"

Rodney made an impatient noise and flopped on the bed. "Are we done with the grooming tips yet?"

"No Rodney, we're not." Both Johns turned to face him, hands on their hips. Identical poses, his John in a black teeshirt, the other John resplendent in a green and yellow plaid button-down shirt.

It was a little frightening. Yet hot.

Rodney made at face at his John, who mirrored the expression right back at him.

The other John sighed. "I wish Rod was more like you."

"What?" Rodney asked, turning to glare at his John, who had asked the same question.

"As in sleeping with me. You'd think he'd be smart enough to realize that I'm really good in bed." He looked thoughtful. "Or, at least I could be, given some practice."

Rodney's chin might have gone up a notch. "So sorry. Not all Rodneys can be as smart as me."

"Oh, please, Rodney. I kissed you first, remember?"

The other John's face went awestruck. "Really? You did?"

John nodded. "Yup."

"Well, yes, but I was smart enough to kiss you back," Rodney pointed out.

"After you finished squeaking at me."

"I so did not squeak."

"Wait, wait, wait," John tugged at John's sleeve. "You just went up and planted a kiss on him? I could never do that."

"Sure you could," John said. "It's easy. I'll show you." He grabbed Rodney's arm and tugged him up from the bed.

"What's this, show and tell? Mmmmrph--"

John had grabbed his face, with both hands, just like that first time, and kissed him. His lips were as soft yet demanding as always, and his tongue, pushy. Rodney found himself kissing John back, hands on his shoulders, dragging him closer.

And then it was over.

"There, just like that," John said to John.

John gaped at them, eyes wide. Rodney found it disconcertingly cute. "Rod wouldn't like that. Would he?"

"Rodney certainly did."

Rodney shrugged, feeling a little sorry for this John, because yes, he had liked it.

"I don't know," the other John sighed. "It's not really me. I mean, it's so--unplanned. What if I screw it up?"

John approached the other John, laying a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. "Trust me. Rod wants you. He flirted like crazy with me."

"What? You never told me that," Rodney exclaimed.

"But that was you," the other John said. "You're--" He waved his hands. "All cool and everything."

"But I'm not you," John said. "And Rod isn't Rodney. I've seen you two together, and yeah, I think you should go for it."

The other John still looked dubious.

John brightened. "I have an idea--practice on Rodney."

"What, are you insane?" Rodney asked.

"C'mon, Rodney." John thumped his arm. "Be a good sport."

The other John looked hopeful. Rodney sighed. It was disheartening to realize he couldn't say 'no' to John in two universes. But with his John looking hopeful, too the matching expressions were too much for him to resist. Rodney's shoulders slumped as he acquiesced. "Okay, okay."

The other John closed the space between them, then hesitated, biting his lip.

"Go on," John said. "Just go for it."

Taking a deep breath, the other John put a cold, clammy hand on the back of Rodney's neck, and planted a wet kiss somewhere to the left of his mouth.

He pulled back looking mortified. "That was terrible, wasn't it?"

"No, no," Rodney said, wiping his cheek with the back of his hand. "Well, yes, it was, but that's what the practicing is all about. Try again."

John squared his shoulders. This time he leaned in slow and careful before fitting his mouth over Rodney's.

Okay, not so bad this time. The kiss was hesitant but sweet, John's lips caressing his very nicely. One stiff arm slid around Rodney's shoulders, holding tight. Any tighter and John would be strangling him.

"See?" John said, sounding pleased. "Not so hard."

The other John nodded, his eyes fixed on Rodney's lips. "What about tongue? Should I go for tongue the first time?"

"Maybe you should take it slow," Rodney suggested, tugging at John's arm. Its was making his shoulder cramp.

"You know what? Maybe you should know some more stuff," John said quickly. "Rodney really likes when you kiss the side of his neck. And suck on it a little, too."

"He does?"

"Yup. Let me show you." John tugged Rodney over and then his lips were right under Rodney's ear, working their way down, light suction and nuzzling and when Rodney gasped, John chuckled against his skin. "See, he likes it a lot."

"I, um--" Rodney started, but John had already pushed him toward the other John. He stumbled, but the other John caught him. His mouth was a little rougher, his breathing heavy--nervous probably, and his hot breath tickled Rodney's skin as his mouth moved over it. "Uh, teeth--" Rodney stammered.

"Not good?" the other John asked worriedly.

"No, no, no, it's good. It's very good." Rodney clutched John closer. "Keep going."

"Hey," his John said.

"What?" Rodney tried to give John an innocent look, which wasn't easy with the other John's tongue sliding beneath the collar of his shirt.

John's eyes darkened. "Just so you know," he said in a conversational tone, "Rodney's nipples are extremely sensitive."

"Oh,". The other John straightened up, looking at Rodney with a very familiar dopey expression, "Can I?" he pushed a hand under Rodney's shirt.

Rodney decided that this John wasn't so different from his after all, even though he dressed better. With a sidelong glance at his John, he replied, "Of course."

John pushed his shirt up. Helpful as always, Rodney tugged it off over his head as John sighed and ran his hands over his chest. Another kiss to Rodney's neck, and then John licked his chest, but it was awkward with Rodney standing so they backed up into the bed. Stretching out luxuriously, Rodney moaned as John climbed over him, his mouth finding a nipple. "Yes, like that," he said, stroking the back of John's neck encouragingly.

The bed dipped. "He especially likes it if you suck hard." And then his own John went to work, wet hot mouth, sucking hard as promised and Rodney squirmed beneath him. Two mouths, one on each nipple, and Rodney thought quite possible he had died and gone to heaven.

"He does like that, doesn't he?" the other John whispered, his breath cooling wet skin.

"Yes, he does," Rodney assured him breathlessly. "He likes it very much."

"You know what else he really likes?" John asked in a low voice. He reached down to where Rodney's cock was straining against his pants and began unbuttoning.

Rodney raised his head, meeting John's eyes. "You are such a pervert."

With silky smile, John nodded.

Rodney was pretty sure he had the best boyfriend of all the universes.

"What does he like?" the other John asked. "Blowjobs? I can do a blowjob."

"Sure, he likes that."

"He really likes that," Rodney added.

John finished unbuttoning Rodney's pants, and the other John scrambled into place, between Rodney's legs. He tugged Rodney's pants down past his hips, then went for his briefs, yanking and grunting when Rodney failed to time the lifting of his hips properly. "Just wait, won't you?" Rodney complained.

John finally got Rodney's cock free. "Wow. Look at you," he said, staring at it.

Rodney nodded proudly. He liked his cock, too.

John shuffled back, pulling Rodney's pants off and undressing him completely. With an admiring look, he stroked Rodney's thighs, fingers skimming over the skin, then slid his hands up to cup Rodney's balls.

"Careful, his balls are really sensitive." John was still playing with a nipple, flicking it with his thumb.

"Okay." The other John gentled his hands, and rolled the sacs gently. "How's that?"

"Ungh," Rodney said.

"That means 'good'," John translated for him.

John gave John a look. "I figured that."

"I was just making sure."

John pulled his hand back and pointed. "Well, he seems happy, doesn't he?"

Feeling neglected, Rodney wriggled his hips. "Blowjob?"

"I'll bet Rod isn't so impatient." This time the Johns exchanged sympathetic nods.

"John," Rodney sighed, to neither John in particular. He was naked, he had two Johns, but neither were touching him, and he was the one who got offered up for this ridiculous training session and no one had asked him, they just went right ahead and manhandled him--

The other John grinned a grin that look very much like his John's grin and ducked his head.

"Oh yes," Rodney gasped happily as wet heat engulfed his cock, but before he could say anything more a mouth covered his, tongue sliding past his lips and John was kissing him like he was trying to devour him. Rodney grabbed his head, hand burrowing into thick hair. He was more than willing to be devoured and oh yes life was good.

The other John made a happy noise and sucked harder, before pulling back and licking his cock from base to tip. John stopping kissing, which made Rodney whimper--he wanted to be kissed, damn it. He loved John's mouth. He loved all John's mouths. Then he realized John was watching so he did too, raising his head to see other John kiss and lick then slide back down and suck hard, eyes closed in an expression of pure bliss. This John apparently loved cock as much as his John, and Rodney thought that maybe some things were a constant in all universes.

Rodney's hand had slid down over his John's cheek, and John turned to suck his thumb into his mouth. Groaning, Rodney fell back flat on the bed. John took his hand and pulled it down, and then Rodney's hand came into contact with warm, hard flesh. John's cock. John had unfastened his pants at some point.

Rodney grasped John's cock gratefully and John shuddered against him. The tip was wet, and Rodney rubbed his palm over it, making John dig his fingers into his arm.

John pressed in to bite and suck on his chest, and the other John sucked Rodney's cock, moving in a precise, regular rhythm, and while Rodney missed his John's sloppy enthusiasm, this was plenty good, Rodney certainly approved of the technique, and he was pretty sure Rod would, too.

When Rodney came, it was with one John's mouth on his cock, the other John's mouth on his, and his John's cock in his hand.

It might have been his best orgasm ever.

He opened his eyes to see two sets of hazel eyes watching him, brows furrowed in identical questions. Grinning, Rodney raised his free hand and gave them both a shaky but heartfelt thumbs up.

The Johns grinned, first at Rodney, then at each other. "Good job," John said, patting the other John on the back.

"Yeah, wow, that was--" the other John blinked, then reached down and touched himself, hand pressing against the bulge in his pants. "Whoa. Maybe I need to go find Rod now."

Rodney sat up, letting his John's cock slide from his fingers. "No, no, I think I should repay the favor."

"Hey, wait a minute," John said, "Get back here." He grabbed Rodney's wrist as he reached out for the other John.

"I'll get to you, just be patient," Rodney told him. "John should be relaxed when he approaches Rod."

"Oh, and you're the one to relax him?"

"Unless you want to." Rodney gave him an eager look. "Seriously, that would be hot."

Both John scrunched up their faces. "Too weird," they said in unison.

Rodney sighed.

"Go ahead, I'll wait," John said.

The other John was already unbuttoning his shirt, fingers fumbling. Finally he gave up and pulled it off over his head. Rodney kissed him when he emerged from under it, surprising him, but then he returned the kiss with enthusiasm to spare, clinging to Rodney. "Thank you for doing this," he said, with such earnestness that Rodney had to kiss him again.

Rodney got him arranged on the bed, pushing his John aside. With a sulky glare, John moved to sit on the edge of the bed, one leg dangling over. Rodney smiled brightly at him. Then he proceeded to strip the other John naked.

This John was a little thinner, less muscled than his John, but just as hairy, and his cock just was smooth and thick and enticing. As John spread his legs with a soft 'please', Rodney saw his John reach over and caress his cheek. Touched, Rodney stroked John's cock before reaching down to take it into his mouth.

Then jerked back up as a sharp rapping sounded at the door.

John sat up. "Uh, oh--"

Rodney twisted around in time to see the door slide open. Rod came sauntering in, smiling brilliantly. "Sheppard, come on, let's--". He took in the sight on the bed, and the smile froze on his face. "Oh."

Rodney couldn't help feel a glimmer of satisfaction at finally seeing Rod disconcerted. It was about damn time. Then he remembered he was naked and kneeling between Rod's John's equally naked legs. "Oh, crap."

"Um, hi Rod," the other John said.

Rodney's John gave a little wave, his cheeks turning pink. "Hi."

Rod's smile faltered, then smoothed out into his usual pleasant expression, this one a bit more carefully blank than usual. "Um, Sheppard. I see you're busy." He held a hand up. "No, no, my apologies, Rodney, Colonel. I shouldn't have come barging in--"

"Wait." The other John climbed out of bed, naked, his cock hard and swinging between his legs. "Just wait."

Rod stared at him. And kept on staring as John closed the space between them, wrapped a hand around Rod's neck, and pulled him in for a kiss. Rod's hands fluttered briefly in the air before coming to rest on John's shoulders. A moment later they slid down to the small of John's back. When they reached down to gently cup John's ass, Rodney breathed out a sigh of relief.

They were going to be just fine.

"Come on, Rodney," His John said in a loud whisper. He poked Rodney in the back. "I think we should go take a shower."

"What? Now?" Incredulous, Rodney turned to his John.

"Yes, now. You know, give them some time alone."

"Oh. Right."

Rodney let John lead him into the bathroom. He took one last glance at the still-kissing couple.

From behind Rod's back, the other John opened one eye and gave Rodney a surreptitious thumbs up.

Rodney grinned, and returned the gesture. Then he slapped his John on the ass and pushed him into the bathroom. "Come on, get those clothes off. We have a hot shower waiting for us."

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