That Time When John Wanted To Talk About His Feelings

by The Grrrl

Title: That Time When John Wanted To Talk About His Feelings

Author: The Grrrl

Author's email:

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Archive: Ask first.

Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Pairing: Sheppard/McKay

Summary: See title

The first time it happened Rodney didn't give it much thought. He was too caught up in the feel of John's skin, the way John whimpered when he sucked on John's neck, the way John's hands clung to his ass.

"Rodney," John said, drawing back and giving him an intense look.

Rodney shoved his hand down the front of John's unbuttoned pants. "I know, I know, it's only been a couple of days, but god, it feels like forever--"

"No, I mean, Rodney--" And John's expression went kind of odd, as if he had a mild case of indigestion.

"You okay?" Rodney asked.

John bit his lip, hesitating. Then his cock pushed into Rodney's hand and Rodney figured even if John did have an upset stomach, it couldn't be all that serious. He sank down onto his knees, pulling John's pants down with him and there was John's nice thick cock, right there in front of him. He licked and sucked and John said his name in an all together different manner, so Rodney kept right on sucking until John pulled him up and dragged him onto the bed.

Rodney went with it, pulling his clothes off while John did the same. He reached for John, but John pushed him down, so he gallantly allowed John to blow him first, and then returned the favor. It was all over way too quickly but Rodney was too happy and sated to really mind. He curled up around John, head resting on John's chest when he belatedly remembered John's upset stomach. Raising his head, he was about to offer to get John an antacid but John's eyes were closed and his breathing was deep and regular so Rodney tucked his head back down and promptly joined him in sleep.


The second time they were lying side by side in bed, enjoying the aftermath of a stolen afternoon together. Rodney lay on his back, grinning dazedly up at the ceiling. His ass ached and he felt pleasantly used and pleased by the way John had moaned while inside of him, low and amazed, as if sex had never been this good before.

"Hey," John said. He rubbed his foot against Rodney's.

"Yeah," Rodney replied, rolling onto his side. He propped his head on his hand and grinned at John. "This was a good idea. No, no, make that a great idea."

John nodded. "I have them sometimes."

"Who would have thought it?"

That earned him a mock glare. Rodney leaned down to kiss him, and then kissed him again, soft, tender kisses drifting from John's lips to his cheek.

"Rodney," John murmured.

Rodney nuzzled his ear. "Hmmm?"

"Rodney," John said again, a hand on Rodney's chest, gently holding him back. He frowned, brows drawing together, forehead crinkling and there it was, the indigestion again. Or maybe not, since it had been a while since they had eaten. Quite a while.

John must be hungry. Rodney's stomach rumbled in sympathy. "Hey, let's go get something to eat. Lunch was a while ago and all that activity--" Rodney sat up, but John tugged on his arm, pulling him back down.

"No, wait, Rodney, please."

"Starving, here." But Rodney relented, waiting while John frowned, lips pressed into a straight line. When John didn't say anything, Rodney made a rolling motion with one hand. "Come on, come on."

John took a breath.

And then a small, tinny noise came from the bedside table. Rodney held up a finger, grabbed his earpiece and activated it. "McKay here," he said, fumbling to get the device hooked over his ear. "The sensors say what?

John was already out of bed. They scrambled into their clothes and raced to the transporter. Rodney was pretty sure he was wearing one of John's socks and he wished he had taken a moment to clean himself up better because he was feeling unpleasantly slippery and damn it, he was still really, really hungry.

In the end it was a false alarm, one that took several hours to figure out. Woozy with hunger, Rodney made a beeline for the mess where there was macaroni and cheese and mashed potatoes and if John needed to tell him something, well, John knew where to find him.



The next time it was in the morning, maybe a week later. Rodney woke to John staring at him, and Rodney had the impression that John had been watching him for quite some time and he was reasonably sure at this point that the look on John's face had nothing to do with either indigestion or hunger.

"Hi Rodney," John said, far more earnest than the situation warranted.

"Mmm. Hi." A couple more hours of sleep would have been nice. Rodney rubbed his eyes, then pushed the covers away and scratched his chest.

John's eyes followed his hand. "Um, Rodney."

"Yes?" Rodney arched his back and stretched, making himself comfortable. He pushed the blankets off completely because damn, John was like a furnace. His room was always warm but with John sleeping all crushed up against him in bed--and what happened to that 'no overnights' rule anyway? Not that Rodney was complaining, except for times like this when John woke him way too early, but then again, that really wasn't all that bad either because maybe John would be interested in--

"I just wanted to..." John started again, his voice trailing off as his eyes fixed on Rodney's wide-awake cock.

"Yes?" Rodney encouraged in his most gentle tone. He spread his legs hopefully.

John dragged his eyes back to Rodney's face. "Rodney--"

"That's my name." He nestled closer to John, his thigh coming up against John's own hard cock. "Oh, good morning," he said with a grin.

John made a frustrated noise that Rodney didn't quite get, but then John was on top of him, warm and naked and hungry and it didn't seem very important anymore.


A late night in the lab, and Rodney was all alone, working his way through the schematics for a mach five naquadah generator--Samantha was going to be green with envy when she found out--when suddenly his laptop was slammed shut.

"This thing between you and me, it's about more than just our dicks, okay?"

"What?" Rodney said, utterly confused. John's grim, determined face was inches away from his own. "I was working--energy fluctuations?"

John pushed the laptop out of Rodney's reach. "I just need to get this straight between us."

Rodney nodded, his brain frantically changing gears. "Get what straight?"

"You and me."

"What about us?"

"Rodney," John sighed.

"I'm sorry--I was working. What did you say? Something about dicks?" Maybe John was horny.

"No, I..."

"Oh, hey, hey, hey, stop that."

"Stop what?" John said, but it was too late, his eyes brows were moving, he was getting that look and Rodney knew he only had seconds before John was rendered speechless once again by whatever it was that was on his mind.

"John," he warned.

John blinked at him. "It wasn't important," he said, shoulders slumped. He turned to leave, looking utterly crestfallen.

"Hey, wait--" Frustrated, Rodney followed. When John turned back Rodney awkwardly pulled him into a hug, trying to offer comfort because something was obviously on John's mind. It turned out to be the right thing to do, because John wrapped his arms around Rodney's waist and hugged him fiercely, mumbling something incomprehensible into Rodney's shoulder.

Rodney felt the words, muffled against his skin, and let them linger in his head, working through the sounds, matching them up, letting them grow from nonsensical to--

"Oh," Rodney said. "I knew that."

"Good." John held him tighter. "Good."

Rodney kissed the side of John's head. "I love you too."

John pulled back, his smile genuine and his eyes, bright. "Really?"

"Why else would I be hugging you right now?"

"Right. Good point." John nodded, still smiling.

"I mean, with all the kissing and cuddling, did you think it was all just about the sex?"

John shrugged.

"Not that I'm complaining about all the sex," Rodney continued. "Speaking of which, what do you say we--"

John squeezed Rodney's waist, looking relieved. "Time for bed?"

Rodney grinned. "Great idea."

"I'm glad we got that settled," John said, ushering him toward the door. "I needed to make sure you knew."

"Me? Yes, of course," Rodney agreed. "I'm glad you cleared that up."

And if there was a bit of a swagger in John's step, Rodney was not about to point that out, either.

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